Caring for an aging parent as an only child

The short answer: with no siblings to split it with, you have to build your team on purpose. Use the public help that already exists (your Area Agency on Aging, respite care, adult day programs), give friends and neighbors small, specific jobs, look into the programs and tax breaks that can pay for some of it, and get the legal documents done early, because every decision may land on you alone.

More people are doing this than you think

Only-child families are much more common than they used to be. Between 1976 and 2014, the share of mothers at the end of their childbearing years who had one child doubled, from 11% to 22%.¹ In a national study of adult children caring for a parent, 12% had no siblings.²

The same study found that only children who are caregivers reported more financial difficulty than caregivers with siblings, and that emotional strain weighed more heavily on their well-being.² That isn't a reason to panic. It's a reason to set up support deliberately, instead of waiting until you're exhausted.

Build your team on purpose

Your team won't be siblings, but it can still be a team:

• Your local Area Agency on Aging. These agencies help older adults stay independent at home with things like home-delivered meals and help around the house.⁴ Find yours through the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116.
• Help for you as the caregiver. Through the National Family Caregiver Support Program, run by local agencies, family caregivers can get information, help finding services, counseling, support groups, caregiver training and respite care.⁵
• Respite care. Short-term care that gives you time to rest, travel or just be off for a while, from a few hours to several weeks.⁶ Respite is badly underused: 39% of caregivers say it would help, but only 13% use it.³
• Adult day programs. Daytime care with activities, meals and some health services. Medicare doesn't pay for it, but Medicaid and other programs may.⁷
• A geriatric care manager. Usually a nurse or social worker who specializes in older adults, who can visit, make a care plan and line up services. Especially helpful when you live far away.⁷
• Friends, neighbors and your faith community. Ask for small, specific things first. A text is fine if asking face to face feels hard.⁸ A shared calendar where people sign up for regular help makes it easy for them to say yes.⁹

One caution from the research: in that national study, informal help from people outside the family wasn't linked to better well-being for only children the way it was for caregivers with siblings, though the authors note other factors may explain that.² The lesson we take from it: don't rely on loose offers of "let me know if you need anything." Give people real, regular jobs.

Find help that pays

• Getting paid as a family caregiver. Many states offer some form of pay for family caregivers, most often through Medicaid. Eligibility and rules vary by state.¹⁰
• Veterans' programs. If your parent is a veteran, the VA has caregiver support programs, and some include a monthly stipend. Call the VA Caregiver Support Line at 1-855-260-3274 to see what applies.¹¹
• Tax breaks. If your parent qualifies as your dependent, you may be able to claim a credit of up to $500.¹² If your parent lives with you, can't care for themselves, and you pay for their care so you can work, the Child and Dependent Care Credit can help, and it gets larger starting in tax year 2026.¹³ If your employer offers a dependent care FSA, the yearly limit rises to $7,500 in 2026 if your employer's plan adopts it.¹⁴ And if you itemize, medical costs you pay for a dependent parent can count toward the medical expense deduction.¹⁵ Ask a tax professional which of these fit you.

If you live far away

A lot of caregiving can be done from a distance: arranging in-home care or a care manager, ordering supplies, coordinating information between doctors and helpers, and handling paperwork.¹⁶ With your parent's permission, you can join their telehealth visits, and a shared online calendar keeps everyone who helps on the same page.¹⁶

Get the decisions in writing early

When there's no one to share decisions with, it matters even more that your parent's wishes are written down, and that you have the legal authority to act. Without an advance directive, state law decides who can make medical decisions.¹⁷ Our documents checklist for aging parents walks through what to put in place.

Protect your own health

About one in five family caregivers rate their own health as fair or poor, nearly one in four feel alone, and almost a quarter say caregiving makes it hard to take care of their own health.³ The strain is what hurts, and it adds up quietly. Take our 2-minute caregiver burnout check-in to see where you are, and keep your own doctor's appointments on the calendar too.

Common questions

Can I get paid to take care of my parent?

Possibly. Many states pay family caregivers through Medicaid programs, and the VA has programs for veterans' caregivers.¹⁰¹¹ Call your Area Agency on Aging to find out what's available where your parent lives.

Who makes decisions if my parent can't?

The person named in their health care proxy or advance directive. If there isn't one, state law decides.¹⁷ This is why getting the documents done early matters so much when you're the only child.

What if I simply can't do it all?

That's not a failure. It's the reality for most people doing this alone. Paid help, adult day programs, respite care and, at some point, a move to more supported living are all ways of making sure your parent is cared for, not ways of giving up.

Sources

1. Pew Research Center, "Family Size Among Mothers". pewresearch.org, May 7, 2015.
2. Skoblow and Gilligan, study of adult only-child caregivers, The Gerontologist 65(3). pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, 2025.
3. AARP and National Alliance for Caregiving, "Caregiving in the US 2025". aarp.org, July 24, 2025.
4. Administration for Community Living, "Area Agencies on Aging". acl.gov.
5. Administration for Community Living, "National Family Caregiver Support Program". acl.gov.
6. National Institute on Aging, "What Is Respite Care?". nia.nih.gov, reviewed October 12, 2023.
7. National Institute on Aging, "Services for Older Adults Living at Home". nia.nih.gov, reviewed October 12, 2023.
8. National Institute on Aging, "Taking Care of Yourself: Tips for Caregivers". nia.nih.gov, reviewed October 12, 2023.
9. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, "Caring for Yourself When Caring for Another". cdc.gov, September 3, 2024.
10. National Institute on Aging, "Frequently Asked Questions About Caregiving". nia.nih.gov, December 7, 2023.
11. U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, Caregiver Support Program. caregiver.va.gov.
12. Internal Revenue Service, "Understanding the Credit for Other Dependents". irs.gov.
13. Internal Revenue Service, "Child and Dependent Care Credit information". irs.gov.
14. Internal Revenue Service, dependent care benefits exclusion for 2026. irs.gov.
15. Internal Revenue Service, Publication 502, Medical and Dental Expenses. irs.gov.
16. National Institute on Aging, "What Is Long-Distance Caregiving?". nia.nih.gov, reviewed October 12, 2023.
17. National Institute on Aging, "Advance Care Planning: Advance Directives for Health Care". nia.nih.gov, October 31, 2022.